by John Kendrick
Fast-thinking camp staff members can turn failure into triumph, making an indelible mark on children. I know firsthand from my experience as a 6-year-old camper at Circle M Camp in West Virginia.
I was riding a pony across a field when my saddle started slipping to the side. Suddenly, I was lying on the ground with my saddle on top of me.
Shocked and embarrassed, I didn’t know whether to just lie there quietly, yell at the adult who saddled the pony or just cry. Fortunately, a counselor quickly rode over to help. After seeing I was OK, he explained that it usually took five falls from a horse to become a real cowboy, but that a fall that included a saddle required only one.
“Congratulations,” he said. “‘You’re now a real cowboy.” I couldn’t wait to get back on that pony.
Counselors have many opportunities to help campers deal with adversity and apparent defeat. Child psychologist Michael Popkin suggests several things to do when a child is disappointed because of failure.
- Empathize with the camper’s feelings, but don’t always try to cheer the child up immediately. The initial disappointment is appropriate, Popkin says. It means the child cared about the activity. “When a camp staff member tries to make a camper feel good too quickly, ” he adds, “the child receives another, unintentional message that he does not have the courage to handle failure. Learning to deal well with failure is an important part of growing up, and children are anxious to prove themselves in this area.”
- Minimize psychological distress by finding a way to compliment the child on what he did right.
- Look for positive actions for the camper to take. For example, if a child is disappointed after striking out in a softball game, offer to practice hitting with her.
- Gently correct negative thinking. If a child says “I’ll never be able to hit a baseball,” a staff member could respond with, “It feels that way now, but with practice you’ll improve.”
- Don’t dwell on failure. Help the child put the incident in proper perspective.
- Don’t criticize the camper, only mention the camper’s actions. Never say a child is a bad hitter, for example. Instead, point out that he is dropping his shoulder too much when he swings.
John Kendrick is editor-in-chief of ParentSource magazine.